Fuck. I wish the sobbing and screaming would stop already.
What the hell do you have to lose anyway?

You've spent your entire life carefully walking down the same path as everyone else and here you are. If you had even once strayed from the path you most likely would not have ended up like this.

It's always the same. From an early age you began believing in the fariy tales told to you at bedtime by a parent who truly loved you and when they kissed you on the forehead calling you "their little princess" you took in every single little word. You were going to be a princess when you grew up with all that it meant. Even after you stopped believing in fairy tales the idea of once being treated like a princess still lingered in you mind. Without knowing it, it affected so many of the choices you made. You sat passively on a chair or in a sofa at all the parties waiting for some prince to come treat you like the princess you were, but all you got were men who liked their women passive, good looking and couldn't care less for any of your other qualities. And you deserved each and everyone of them. But somehow you never lost hope.

The fairy tales from your childhood years were replaced with fairy tales from the adult world. The ones which showed you, through glossy photos and shallow stories, the path that would lead you and everyone else towards eternal happiness. They made you believe that love would last forever if you only stood next to an altar or on the steps of city hall in front of someone who had absolutely nothing to do with your love and if you promised this person that you and the person by your side would love eachother no matter what hardships would come your way and that you would stay loyal to one another, that would also be the case. That would be the truth.

And the glossy magazines kept on showing you the way. You could not for your life understand religious fundamentalists who said they followed the bible or the koran when they did bad things and yet you followed these magazines with the same fundamentalism. You wore what they told you to wear and became interested in interior decoration simply because so many of these articles were about happy couples who had built their own little nests together. And where their smiling faces were you placed yours, either outside in front of their gigantic house or on a couch with a pot of freshly boiled tea and newly lit candles burning out of focus in the background.

These successful people told you early on that you needed a career. What exactly a career meant was never really explained to you, but it seemed to have something to do with moving up a corporate ladder in pursuit of more money and more responsibility. This would preferably take place in a financial or judicial institution. Become an economist or a lawyer just like all the other successfull people. Or if you were seriously into art, you could always become an architect or a designer. But no matter what, the road to success meant that you would get alot of money. Enough to keep your children happy and they would never have to miss a single thing in the whole wide world. Except their parents of course.

Because the glossy magazines promised you time for your career, for your home, for your free time and for your beloved children, but they lied to you. Both you and your husband were so busy walking down the right path, you simply assumed that your children were happy with their lives and their possessions. How could they not be? If you only did every "right thing" you were told to do, you would have the time needed to raise your children. And you had the photos to prove it. A new family photo every Christmas with everyone smiling around the tree and next to the fire. But if you had really looked at these pictures you they could easily have been made into a simple animated cartoon where you get older, your children get bigger and for each frame their smiles slowly fade away.

And now they are all grown up, have moved out and you wonder why they don't call very often and why they are so preoccupied with their jobs and do not seem to have any time for their own families. It is always easier to see mistakes being made by someone else.

Then one day it hits you right on the head as you find out that your husband's inability to have sex with you is not only from having too much to do at work but also from having someone else to fuck on the side. Despite his promise to you and despite you having followed every advise in these magazines on how to please your husband he still found someone else to have fuck. Someone who simply looks younger than you and is more passionate than you while in bed. Passion will get you further than any advise on how to dress up ever will.

And as the house of cards that is your life and is built up of glossy photo-edited pages falls down one page at the time, so does your life and behind the pile of false hopes and promises you see more paths reveal themselves. It turns out that if you had only looked a little to the side of your path you would have seen another one and beside that one another one still and so on. And in retrospect some of them look very tempting to you and you try to jump from the one you're walking down to the one closest but it is too hard. The distance between the two is too great and as you watch further along the road you se how all the paths fork out and the distance between them becomes even greater and this is when you realise that you once in your life had the chance to choose a path more fitting for the person you truly are.

So you head out during evenings. Disillusioned you hit bar after bar after bar, not really knowing what you are looking for and that's when you meet me.

I buy you a drink and you are all too eager to tell me your life's story and I listen to you and say all the right words. With tears in your eyes I take you home to my place and here we are now. And once again you have made the wrong choice.