Final thoughts
Dedicated to James Joyce and Agnieszka Wojtowicz-Vosloo, who probably will never know it exists. The dead one will most definitely not have a clue.
Fuck I can't believe I would end up like this and all my life I have done nothing wrong or have I done wrong maybe I should think back but what's the point I'll run out of oxygen any minute now what was it he said most people only last ten minutes even though there's enough to last half an hour I guess being locked inside this thing freaks everyone out but at the same time perhaps the last breaths of air last the longest because they've made peace with themselves dying in the coffin and the strange thing is that I thought I would panic but I haven't so far does that mean I deserve to be in here but I can't for the life of me figure out what would have caused it perhaps something in my youth I did a lot of bad stuff then but that was just kid stuff nothing that would warrant this OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE DOWN HERE I DON'T WANT TO DIE PLEASE LET ME OUT I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG AND IF I HAVE I APOLOGISE ... ... ... why me why me why me why me stop must focus must save air someone might come along and hear me banging if I just scream every ten seconds chances are the air will last long enough and all who pass will hear me (HELP!!) two three four five six (HELP!!) it isn't working why would someone come along in the middle of the night out here out nowhere oh my god I'm gonna die I'm actually gonna die down here and I have so much left to give don't I I have too much left to do for someone my age all the things I could have done and should have done but I didn't I was too busy doing what everyone else told me was right focusing on my career making money according to them I had it all but why does it feel as if I have nothing now perhaps I should thank them since I have nothing to lose really I have no one to lose but having no one to lose means no one will miss me and if no one will miss me then what does it matter where I am I might as well be here who cares at work they probably have some new guy replacing me already they did that with that other guy who just got up and left a new guy in his chair one day later they seem to be standing in line just waiting for that big break for a chance at nothingness and in reality it was that guy who left who went on to have a life sure he made less money but his wife stayed with him and his kid appearently calls him dad again or so they said and it might have been true all the others at the office who are his age are either divorced or not very far from it but this is all they know hell even getting married and having kids were probably career moves showing the world how successful they could be at all levels with a house wife fucking the pool boy and a kid who probably has every latest thing but is an empty shell there is a lot of air in here or maybe time is just passing slowly that's probably it I wish it was all over I wish I could do it myself but I can't even move enough to do whatever the hell I would do if I could would I choke myself I don't think it is that easy press the lid upwards with my feet with the lid nailed shut and lots and lots of dirt above would most likely fail as well and why do I even think of these things since I CAN'T FUCKING MOVE AND WILL DIE DOWN HERE I WILL DIE DOWN HERE THIS IS IT (HELP!! HELP!! HELP!!) WHY WON'T SOMEBODY BE THERE FOR ME WHY AREN'T THEY LOOKING FOR ME oh shit headache and I feel dizzy... ... the air... the air is almost gone I suppose... man... I... at least I won't be like one of those sad fucks who never sees it coming and their final words on this planet is shit or fuck... but... I can go out in style... oh man listen to me go out in style when there's not a soul here to see it... I could come up with... the meaning of life and... and it would be... completely useless... wonder when they will find me... and will there be a light... a tunnel... a boat ride... do I have enough change to pay the ferryman... does he... take credit card... a final joke for no one to listen to... I really... am losing... it and... and... and... ... ... ... fuck.
Fuck I can't believe I would end up like this and all my life I have done nothing wrong or have I done wrong maybe I should think back but what's the point I'll run out of oxygen any minute now what was it he said most people only last ten minutes even though there's enough to last half an hour I guess being locked inside this thing freaks everyone out but at the same time perhaps the last breaths of air last the longest because they've made peace with themselves dying in the coffin and the strange thing is that I thought I would panic but I haven't so far does that mean I deserve to be in here but I can't for the life of me figure out what would have caused it perhaps something in my youth I did a lot of bad stuff then but that was just kid stuff nothing that would warrant this OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE DOWN HERE I DON'T WANT TO DIE PLEASE LET ME OUT I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG AND IF I HAVE I APOLOGISE ... ... ... why me why me why me why me stop must focus must save air someone might come along and hear me banging if I just scream every ten seconds chances are the air will last long enough and all who pass will hear me (HELP!!) two three four five six (HELP!!) it isn't working why would someone come along in the middle of the night out here out nowhere oh my god I'm gonna die I'm actually gonna die down here and I have so much left to give don't I I have too much left to do for someone my age all the things I could have done and should have done but I didn't I was too busy doing what everyone else told me was right focusing on my career making money according to them I had it all but why does it feel as if I have nothing now perhaps I should thank them since I have nothing to lose really I have no one to lose but having no one to lose means no one will miss me and if no one will miss me then what does it matter where I am I might as well be here who cares at work they probably have some new guy replacing me already they did that with that other guy who just got up and left a new guy in his chair one day later they seem to be standing in line just waiting for that big break for a chance at nothingness and in reality it was that guy who left who went on to have a life sure he made less money but his wife stayed with him and his kid appearently calls him dad again or so they said and it might have been true all the others at the office who are his age are either divorced or not very far from it but this is all they know hell even getting married and having kids were probably career moves showing the world how successful they could be at all levels with a house wife fucking the pool boy and a kid who probably has every latest thing but is an empty shell there is a lot of air in here or maybe time is just passing slowly that's probably it I wish it was all over I wish I could do it myself but I can't even move enough to do whatever the hell I would do if I could would I choke myself I don't think it is that easy press the lid upwards with my feet with the lid nailed shut and lots and lots of dirt above would most likely fail as well and why do I even think of these things since I CAN'T FUCKING MOVE AND WILL DIE DOWN HERE I WILL DIE DOWN HERE THIS IS IT (HELP!! HELP!! HELP!!) WHY WON'T SOMEBODY BE THERE FOR ME WHY AREN'T THEY LOOKING FOR ME oh shit headache and I feel dizzy... ... the air... the air is almost gone I suppose... man... I... at least I won't be like one of those sad fucks who never sees it coming and their final words on this planet is shit or fuck... but... I can go out in style... oh man listen to me go out in style when there's not a soul here to see it... I could come up with... the meaning of life and... and it would be... completely useless... wonder when they will find me... and will there be a light... a tunnel... a boat ride... do I have enough change to pay the ferryman... does he... take credit card... a final joke for no one to listen to... I really... am losing... it and... and... and... ... ... ... fuck.
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